15) Brett Favre throws for 5,000 yards and 22 TDs (in the first half…and then rests the ankle whilst T-Jax lets the Saints back into the game)
14) Adrian Peterson rushes for 1,500 yards, scores 11 times and… fumbles twice.
13) Drew Brees does something charitable. Likely ends up on Oprah before half-time.
12) Percy Harvin—on the receiving end of most of those touchdowns from Favre—misses the entire second half and all of weeks 2 through 11 with horrible migraines.
11) Reggie Bush leaves the team in the second quarter to reunite with Kim Kardashian. No one sees anything wrong with this decision.
10) Jared Allen kills a beer vendor, giggles like a school girl, and walks away.
09) Brett Favre retires.
08) Jeremy Shockey injures himself. Additionally, grass is green and water is wet.
07) One of the referees makes a call that someone watching the game vehemently disagrees with, they react inappropriately. Additionally, grass is green and water is wet.
06) Chad Greenway remembers he’s from South Dakota. He cries a little.
05) Pat, Kevin and Madieu Williams all realize they have the same last name and they form an exclusive club. I am not invited. Most likely, neither are you.
04) Visanthe Shiancoe eats a live kitten.
03) Jonathan Vilma, sick and tired of being mistaken for Velma from Scooby-Doo, changes his last name to Williams and, along with sisters Venus and Serena, joins the aforementioned Williams Club.
02) Brett Favre un-retires and leads a drive to undo all the wrong that T-Jax did in the second-half. He gets the team within two points of tying it up.
01) Jim Thome—in town to acquire his favorite performance enhancing drug…shrimp gumbo—shows up and kicks the game-winning 103 yard field goal.